Question the Quail #3

Dear Quail, 

School has been great, and I had such a fun time during my years at California Institute of Technology. I love hearing all the hot gossip by red door, but I’m having trouble keeping secrets for my friends. It is getting to the point where they don’t want to talk to me anymore because I just keep spilling the beans! Do you have any way to keep my frijoles from getting fried.

Signed,

Beanie Baby

Dear BB,

I hate to be harsh, but your friends have every right to stop talking to you, especially since it seems like they’ve already confronted you about your loose tongue. We aren’t 13 anymore and it’s not cute to go around revealing others’ private information to everyone and their mother. Would you want people talking about you outside Red Door, or do you prefer some privacy in your personal life as well? Consider that the next time you talk to your friends, and I wouldn’t expect them to come around unless you clean up your act.

Good luck,

Quail

Dear Quail,

I’m a senior that graduated last term, but I still come to campus every day to do research work. I love CDS food, but since I’m not on the meal plan anymore, I can only eat for free at open kitchen. Every day I harass underclassmen to let me into their house so I can satiate my desire for delicious Caltech cuisine, I can’t get enough of the stuff! But I’m worried that I won’t be able to eat anything else after I move away from campus, how can I learn to be a real adult and cook my own meals before I starve out there in the real world? 

Signed,

Fiending for Free Food

Dear Fiending,

I am honestly shocked that you can still stomach CDS food. With that being said, props to you for taking advantage of your resources! God knows we pay way too much for tuition and mediocre food here. With respect to your question, I think you can treat this term as a bit of a transition period into your adult life. Open Kitchen has set hours and I’m sure you don’t spend all night and weekends here as well. Why not grab lunch and dinner on campus and make a healthy breakfast at home? Or, use ingredients from open kitchen to supplement a meal-prepped lunch from home? Finally, make sure you take advantage of those relaxing weekends at home to learn new recipes. Even if you only cooked a couple meals every week, you would quickly pick up some culinary skills, which can come in handy at home, in the workplace, and on dating apps!

Congrats on graduating,

Quail

Dear Quail, 

I have a problem with stealing things. It’s just so exhilarating to take something from bars and restaurants. But this is causing me concern from my friends. What should I do? 

Signed,

Kind Klepto

Dear Klepto,

I question your description of yourself as “kind”. To my knowledge, “kind” people don’t often openly brag about the enjoyment they get from taking objects from businesses, some of which may be locally owned and/or struggling. Drop the act and face your problem head on. Your friends clearly have their heads and hearts in the right place with their concern, and if they haven’t suggested therapy already, I would explore some sort of mental health treatment. Worst case, if you can’t find a therapist, it seems from your letter that you are more likely to steal objects while intoxicated. Try to cut down on the drinking, especially at locations where pretty glassware is easily accessible, and hopefully you’ll cut down on the thievery as well.

Good luck,

Quail

Dear Quail,

I love advice columns! Thank you for starting one at Caltech xoxo

Signed,

Ardent Admirer

Dear Admirer,

Thanks! xoxo

Quail

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