Question the Quail! #1
A new advice column about life, love, classes, and everything in between! Brought to you by the one and only California Tech.
Dear Quail,
I recently started seeing someone and it’s going super well! I’m really into him and he seems really into me. The only problem is that our relationship is constantly being mentioned on Fizz, and not in a very flattering way. It’s gotten to the point that almost every conversation we have is about the latest Fizz post about us, or how we should deal with the endless rumors surrounding our relationship. We barely even have sex anymore because we’re so busy thinking about Fizz and the gossip mill at this school. What should I do to reignite our relationship?
From,
Fizzing Fornicator
Dear Fornicator,
Honestly, the only thing you can do is ignore the rumors and keep doing you. Unless there’s some sort of meaningful advice hidden among the gossip, which is unlikely, I would carry on as if it didn’t exist and remember that people will eventually forget about your relationship. Half the people on Fizz are being paid to post on there anyway! As bad as it sounds, you might try posting some competing gossip on Fizz, preferably something that doesn’t hurt others. And in the meantime, try some activities that will force you to get to know each other better, such as off-campus excursions or consuming some media together. That’ll give you something else to talk about besides the gossip and will give you a better idea of where your relationship is going to go.
Quail
Dear Quail,
I’ve been trying to get to know this girl (21+) but really the only thing she seems interested in doing is drinking. Before you start judging me (also 21+), let me say that I haven’t made any moves on her and we actually have very interesting conversations! The downside is we are both pretty drunk during these discussions and it’s gotten to the point that I’ve been drinking on weekdays just to find an excuse to talk to her. My grades are slipping and honestly so is my liver health. What should I do?
Signed,
Wasted on Wednesdays
Dear Wasted,
At Caltech, we sometimes grow desensitized towards bad drinking/health habits. Keeping that in mind, if you really care about this girl, the first thing to do would be to call attention to her drinking problem. If you’ve already done this, try to get her to figure out why she does it (even if you have to do this while drunk) or, if you’re not close enough to her, ask her friends to look into it (from a place of concern, not thirstiness!). There’s no way to form a productive relationship with someone whose main hobby is blacking out on weekdays, and until you get her to progress past this stage and get some hobbies, I think you’re right to not come onto her. If she does have other hobbies, try to engage her in those, or bring her along when you do constructive things. Even if this doesn’t lead to a situationship or relationship, it’s the best thing to do for someone who seems like she’s stuck in a bit of a rut.
Quail
Dear Quail,
I’m a sophomore who is severely struggling with my coursework. I’ve suspected for some time I have some form of ADD/ADHD, but through a lot of help from my friends, housemates, TAs, Dean’s Tutors, and P/F, I successfully made it through my freshman year here. Now that I’m a sophomore, I can’t rely on my friends anymore as a lot of them are no longer taking my classes. On top of that, I’m taking some really poorly taught major-specific classes. I just don’t have the time, money, or parental support to seek proper counseling. I’ve fallen so far behind in my classes and I just don’t know how I’m going to make it through two more years of this. How will I ever graduate from Caltech?
Signed,
Aching for Adderall
Dear Aching,
The first piece of advice I have for you is to not take medication under the table, as your name suggests you might. Amphetamines are serious business and should only be taken under the supervision of a medical professional. With that being said, the first thing you should try is Caltech’s own counseling center. I know, I know, you’ve probably heard this one already. However, they could help you work through some of the issues you’ve built up over years of having untreated ADHD and suggest skills groups and behavioral practices to help you manage your work better, even without medication. Speaking of skills groups, there’s actually an “ADHD Accountability Group” being offered by the counseling center next term, which I would definitely look into if I was you. In the meantime, a technique that could work is using friends to hold you accountable. Even if you and your friends aren’t working on the same set, a pair of eyes that might look over at your screen and judge you for playing 2048 could be just the push you need to stay focused enough to complete some of your coursework. This technique is called “body doubling” and has been known to help people start a particularly annoying set or push through the last few hard problems.
Quail
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