Humor

Ah, bananas, the fruit that comes in its own convenient packaging. It’s nature’s way of saying, “Here, have a snack on the go.” But have you ever stopped to think about the humble banana and all the things it can do? It’s not just a fruit, it’s a multitasking wonder. For starters, bananas are an excellent source of potassium, which is crucial for healthy nerve and muscle function. They’re also a great source of fiber, vitamin C, and vitamin B6. And if you’re feeling down, a banana can help boos

Are you a REAL CALTECH STUDENT if you have never attended one of the Undergraduate Admission Office’s HOT, FACTUALLY-CORRECT, and VERY FUN tours lead by the current generation of Caltech students themselves??? Well, don’t worry if you haven’t gone to one yet! Because this VERY ARTICLE will tell you all the HOT, NEW, and FACTUALLY-CORRECT deeds of the admission tour!!! Tour Guide:

Cher Caltech, Je ne peux pas continuer comme ça. J’ai essayé très fort de faire cette relation travailler entre nous, mais ce n’est plus possible. J’espère que tu le vois aussi. Si tu ne comprends pas, permets-moi de l’explique. Quand je suis avec toi, il semble que tu consomme tous mon temps, toute ma vie ! J’aimais lire les livres ; je les aime encore, mais avec toi, ce n’est plus jamais possible. Je dois compléter mes devoirs et écrire mes essais. C’est pareil en ce qui concerne avec a

November 2021 – I was but a young naïve frosh, getting my dinner from open kitchen. I sighted orange disks of vegetables and was full of hope, sweet potatoes iare some of my favorite foods. However, my hope quickly turned to confusion when the person in front of me ordered “yams” and was served what I had assumed was sweet potatoes. Reluctantly, I ordered the “yams” and bit into them. My

Since the very first day I stepped foot on campus for winter term, I knew Fizz was going to be nothing but trouble. No worthwhile product has ever been advertised with colorful cardstock flyers delivered to doorsteps. They were already trying way too hard, even before the offers of $15 and free Krispy Kreme donuts if you re-shared their ads on Instagram. I felt invaded — ca

Last time I took a power hum, I divided my time nicely between napping and surreptitiously playing League of Legends in the back of the class. When I opened up my schedule for this term, I was saddened to see that my Tuesday nights were occupied once again :( Just kidding! At Caltech, you have so few opportunities to mess around for 3 hours without feeling guilty about not working. Take advantage of your power hums by trying out some of the ideas on this list. Make a snack. Buy a blender,

What do you do when the cure is worse than the disease? Last term, Dabney Hovse was plagued by a series of perturbing terrorist attacks on its sacred bathrooms. A still-unknown individual or group of individuals, known by the general public as the “Toilet Bomber(s)”, has on multiple occasions put obscene amounts of toilet paper into toilets in order to clog them. This is an attack on D

I love the little shops they have in museums and places. They’re the best thing in the whole world. Every time I go into a new place I look and see if there are any little shops. Most times my efforts go unrewarded. The disappointment I feel walking to my classes with the knowledge that there is no little shop in Bridge or Linde is immense and uncalculable. Sometimes however, I get to feel the elation of walking into a new building and finding a little shop. Meatman is my favorite building on ca

With a cast as large as Sonic the Hedgehog’s, Sonic has no shortage of potential romantic partners. In the leadup to the third feature film in the Sonic the Hedgehog cinematic universe, the Sonic fandom eagerly awaits the answer to one of gaming’s most prominent questions: who will be Sonic’s relationship partner? Today, we attempt to answer this question by examinin

Recently, criminal investigations have begun into the individual known as Kenny Thai for crimes against the California Tech. His felonies include the illegal propagation of spam, negligence allowing for unfair representation of all of the Houses in the California Tech, the violation of numerous labor and embezzlement laws, and resisting arrest by fleeing from the area. Here, I aim

The Caltech undergraduate population has, despite its small size, a diverse variety of species that make up the techer population. This week we’ll embark on an in-depth analysis of a peculiar invasive species of Techer that has emerged in the Caltech ecosystem: the iPad Kid. We will examine the case study of the Bitchicus Matticus genus and species. You may be asking, why are we ex

˙ǝʌᴉlɐ pǝʎɐʇs ǝɹǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo ʇɹɐɯʞ ʎɥʍ uosɐǝɹ ɐ 'ʇɔɐɟ uᴉ 'sᴉ ʇɐɥʇ sɯɹᴉɟuoɔ ǝɔɹnos ǝlqɐᴉlǝɹ ∀ ˙sǝʇɐʇS pǝʇᴉu∩ ǝɥʇ uᴉ ʇǝƃɹɐ┴ ɟo ʇɐɥʇ oʇ ɹɐlᴉɯᴉs ʇnoʎɐl ǝɹoʇs ɐ puɐ ǝʇʇǝlɐd ɹoloɔ ɹǝɔᴉu ʎlqɐɹǝpᴉsuoɔ ɐ ǝɹnʇɐǝɟ sʇɹɐɯʞ uɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ 'ǝʌᴉʇɔǝdsɹǝd uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn uɐ ɯoɹɟ pǝʍǝᴉʌ uǝɥM ˙pǝɹ ƃuᴉʞᴉɹʇs puɐ pᴉʌᴉʌ s,ʇǝƃɹɐ┴ oʇ ʇsɐɹʇuoɔ ƃuᴉɹoq ʎɹǝʌ ɐ s,ʇI ˙lnɟʍɐ sᴉ ʇɹɐɯʞ ˙S˙∩ ɐ ʇɐ ǝɯǝɥɔs ɹoloɔ ǝɥ┴ ˙sooɹɐƃuɐʞ puɐ

2022’s Frosh Camp Counselors attempted rallied in support of getting all incoming frosh orange crewmate plushies from the video game Among Us. The following are real emails sent in support. Studying at Caltech is a lot like crewing a spaceship. You get to work alongside some of the most talented people on Earth, you’re constantly doing science in order to survive, and the environme

A new advice column about life, love, classes, and everything in between! Brought to you by the one and only California Tech. Dear Quail, _I recently started seeing someone and it’s going super well! I’m really into him and he seems really into me. The only problem is that our relationship is constantly being mentioned on Fizz, and not in a very flattering way. It’s gotten to th