Jaded Upperclassman

Disclaimer: This is satire. If you feel the need to send a malicious email to anyone after reading this, consider taking a walk by the Turtle Pond instead. Also, this isn’t a dig at our Chief Student Affairs Officer, who’s been genuinely engaged with students in the six months he’s been here. It applies only to the people undergrads already know it applies to. Changes to make the campus safer and more inclusive have been profoundly successful in the past several years. We have come a long way

Disclaimer: This is satire. Mostly. Let’s talk about the familiar experience of falling for someone on a campus so small that it may, in fact, be a social experiment. The experimental design: one insulated campus the size of a city block, two gossip cycles and maybe three eligible romantic candidates. Each has disqualifying traits, yet no one’s left to take their place. You find yourself obsessing over someone, not because they’re especially attractive or even vaguely capable of emotional de