An Appeal to the Seniors: Leave the Frosh Alone

If you don’t know yet, Caltech’s sex discrimination policy includes a specific clause (Article 15.5) prohibiting any relationship between employees—meaning faculty, postdocs, and staff—and undergraduate students. It also advises caution and professionalism in any relationship where a power imbalance exists.

This is where it becomes truly damaging—you start to believe it’s your fault. Every step is your own choice, so the blame falls squarely on you. Your professional confidence begins to crack under the weight of that power differential. And if you dare to speak about it publicly, your story becomes gossip material for the department, met with little sympathy, because it isn’t “Title IX–worthy.” How do you move on and seek mentorship again after that? How can this school still claim to be a safe environment for scholarship and mentorship? How do you even look at orientations, when those with experience may well treat the new as potential partners instead of protégés?

It’s even sadder that society often praises such romance, admiring the supposed benefits it brings to the junior party. I recently realized I’m now the same age as Wendi Deng, 28, when she married Murdoch, then 66. She was celebrated across global media for her “boldness” and for “climbing the ladder.” While that voice is less dominant now, young people, especially women, still keep hearing that life could be easier if they wielded their youth as a leverage. On the other hand, when powerful people show off their younger spouses like badges of success, people nod to that and admit it as meritocracy. And it hurts those who made it too—even those who are now tenured professors with their own labs. People still whisper about how they “had three marriages during their studenthood” and wonder if they are ever up for their jobs.

We need to recognize that this is wrong—not just the relationships already covered by school policies that protect undergraduates from employees, but also those that happen between students, including graduate students. This starts with everyday life and how we talk about it. Teasing your grad friend about mentoring a good-looking undergraduate as a “potential romance” should never be considered harmless fun. It’s as serious as implying they’re a predator. In both dynamics, consent simply doesn’t count. And if your friend is in a relationship with such power dynamics, watch out for them.

I’m not saying all such relationships are evil or should be outright banned. I’ve seen genuine, healthy couples come out of these situations. But they should always be handled with care. MIT has an unofficial “November Rule” advising against dating between freshmen and upperclassmen during the first few months of the term. Here at Caltech, our honor code states that “no member of the Caltech community shall take unfair advantage of any other member of the Caltech Community.” To practice this code requires active self reflection, and that should come from the party with higher power. So if you’re a senior undergrad, grad student, or anyone who’s been at Caltech for a while, and you find yourself hanging out with someone new, ask yourself these questions:

1. Are you interacting with the younger person in a safe environment? Can someone else supervise your interactions?
2. What specific traits do you find attractive in this person? Do you enjoy their company because of their admiration for you, their curiosity, or their receptiveness to most of your ideas? If so, be careful—those may simply be traits of youth.
3. Are you drawn to youthful traits? If so, that’s natural, but try to look for them outside someone who can fall prey to your power.
4. Are you isolating the younger person from their friends or peers? This includes claiming them to be special while denouncing their peers as “adorably annoying.”
5. Are you sharing your ideas in a way that encourages their independent thinking? Do you allow them to form their own opinions about Caltech and life, rather than unduly influencing them with your own – potentially jaded – perspective?
6. Would you feel comfortable if your actions were known to the broader Caltech community? Think about the consequences as if you were spending another four years here, rather than on the premise that you or they are leaving in a few months.
7. Could you wait until the power differential no longer exists before pursuing anything romantic—for example, after they have chosen a major, joined a lab, or otherwise achieved greater independence?

I truly believe that trust within the Caltech community isn’t about rules on paper alone; it’s about respect of boundaries in a scholarly manner. Therefore, I welcome any thoughtful arguments or perspectives on this opinion — let’s discuss how we can make mentorship, learning, and community safer for everyone.