Microwaves in Modern Society

The Express Cook feature on modern microwaves is perfectly exemplary of all the problems with today’s society. What happened to the days when a man could simply enter 15 or 45 seconds, saying nothing of more creative inputs, like 0:42 or 6:09? In our obsession for speed and optimization, we have stamped out the joy of microwaving. Is making “3:00” only one button press worth deleting every single other combination that could start with the number 3? Near infinite combinations have been silenced in the name of the soulless “perfect” number. Nearly every microwave has been infected with the “Express Cook” plight. In our quest for streamlined perfection, we have thrown away the finer joys in life. What is the point of optimization when it produces nothing but mediocrity, devoid of passion and soul?

I am not a hater of all innovation. I am not some conservative misoneist who refuses any new technology simply because it is new. Quite the contrary, my love for the +30 second button is just as strong as my hate for the Express Cook feature. It, unlike Express Cook, does not delete “unnecessary” functions in the name of “progress”. You are still free to express yourself as you please, as it is simply there to be an optional shortcut. I remember the days when +30 seconds was the peak of microwave innovation. An honest to goodness improvement, not just a new feature for the sake of having one. The Express Cook feature on the other hand, is exactly that. Sacrificing utility in the name of false “revolution”. Despite having added “utility”, the microwave is now more unusable than ever.

The dystopian nightmare that is the Express Cook feature does nothing but stamp out the art of inputting one’s preferred time. Big Microwave has decided that inputting 0:51 is not to be allowed. What’s next, the microwave simply scans your food and decides the cook time for you? I see the merit of Express Cook being an optional feature. There is a very real argument to be made for accessibility and improving access for those who may need the simplification. But to have it thrust upon you in every single major kitchen is simply ridiculous. There is no reason humanity needs to be entirely removed from kitchens. Cooking is what ties us together as humans. Is culture and individuality in cooking really worth throwing away to save 2 button presses in 6 very limited circumstances? I think not. Hopefully Big Microwave realizes what they’ve lost and does not spiral further into the soulless void that is more “convenient” features like Express Cook. Before adding a “feature”, they should ask themselves if they are sacrificing anything else, and if it’s really worth losing in the name of efficiency.