[November 28] ARC Tip of the Week:

[November 28] Behind the Numbers: A Close Look at Caltech Undergrads’ Workload

[November 28] CalTech Eliminates All Waste from Campus Operations – Part of a long-term push for (.*)-neutrality, Institute says

[November 28] Caltech Up Close 2023

[November 28] Gayboys

[November 28] Hot Rivet Headlines

View full PDF

Introduction:

In the dystopian world of Panem, where each choice defines destinies and the division between good and evil is blurred more often than not, “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” dives into the core conflicts present in the entire Hunger Games franchise. Themes of desperation, morality, and the human condition are revisited by diving into the origin story of the tyrannical President Coriolanus Snow, the originator of the state of the Games that we saw in the main franchise. For ASCIT’s annual free movie night held on November 19th, 2023, Caltech students were teleported into the world of the twelve districts and the Capitol to follow along as Coriolanus goes from ambitious student to cold-blooded manipulator.

Caltech’s rigorous academic environment is well-known, but to shed some new light on the actual daily grind of undergraduates.

PASADENA, CA — In a based and green-pilled display of social responsibility, the California Institute of Technology reported its first year of carbon neutrality since 1898, according to a press release issued by the CalTech Sustainability Council on Monday.

In mid-October, the Caltech Undergraduate Admissions Office held their annual Caltech Up Close (CUC) event. This year the program accepted 194 high school seniors, nearly double the 103 present the previous year. According to the Undergraduate Admissions website, the program is designed for “students of exceptional promise and will focus on the experiences of students from historically underserved backgrounds in STEM.” Selected participants have opportunities to “Explore Caltech’s campus; Connect with campus community members, including faculty and current students; discover undergrad academics, research and internships, as well as student life; Grasp admissions and financial aid processes; and experience a glimpse of life in Southern California.”

Editor’s note: This letter was emailed to the Tech’s business address with the subject line “Letter to the editor (okay to publish)” from one wlela@yahoo.com. The ‘yahoo.com’ should have been enough to justify deleting the email immediately. So should’ve the first sentence of the article. But upon googling the guy, and reading the first result: “Heterosexuals Organized for a Moral Environment (HOME) is an American pro-heterosexuality, anti-homosexuality organization founded by Wayne Lela and…”, I realized that this is far too funny not to publish. So without further ado, enjoy.

• Office of Student Experience Accused of ‘Robbing’ Caltech House System and Student Government to Bankroll Lavish Outings Under Guise of ‘Student Recreation Events’

• In a shocking development that has significantly impacted the political scene, Congressman George Santos from New York’s 3rd congressional district is under intense scrutiny due to allegations of fraud and deceit. This situation has led to a thorough investigation by the House Ethics Committee.

L + ratio + don’t care + didn’t ask + you go to Caltech + you’re in booty house + you live in Braun + you were on the roof + you fell off + you’re probably a CS/BEM/QF + if not you’re probably an English major or something + you don’t even go to lecture + dark matter might as well be avocados floating through space + she lattice on my lecture till i + walk some olives on deez nuts + the hovse system violates the honor code + it’s hazing too + the scientific project is fundamentally a negative dialectic + civilizing project too + blue hair and pronouns + the average caltech student takes more than the required number of hums + dean nye deez nuts + your best is not good enough + Email not displaying correctly?

Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he’s thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mystical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance.

ASCIT Screening Room Suggestions Wanted

Introduction: In the dystopian world of Panem, where each choice defines destinies and the division between good and evil is blurred more often than not, “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” dives into the core conflicts present in the entire Hunger Games franchise. Themes of desperation, morality, and the human condition are revisited by diving into the origin story of the tyrannical President Coriolanus Snow, the originator of the state of the Games that we saw in the main franchise. For ASCIT’s annual free movie night held on November 19th, 2023, Caltech students were teleported into the world of the twelve districts and the Capitol to follow along as Coriolanus goes from ambitious student to cold-blooded manipulator.

The most fundamental tenet of a Caltech undergraduate education is training students to collaborate effectively in order to solve the most difficult problems in science and math today. And yet, the sanctity of every common lounge space in every undergraduate house, the home of collaboration, is at risk due to a recent renovation effort by the Housing Office.

Life. Food. Family. Home. These are what Olive Garden seems to symbolize to the American public. And according to the SNL Olive Garden sketch (sketches? I don’t know how many have been made). But if I had to choose one word to describe Olive Garden, it would just be ‘big’.

On Friday, October 13, 2023, all freshmen received an email from “ughousing@caltech.edu” with the subject “ACTION REQUIRED: UG Housing Eligibility Assessment for 2024-25 School Year.” This email led students to believe that there would be a merit-based assessment to decide what proportion of the freshmen class would live on campus and what proportion would need to search for off-campus options next year.

Looking to get your holiday light fix? Check out these locations: Holiday Light Spotting in the Neighborhoods: Christmas Tree Lane

Q: “I’m stumped on what to get for my significant other who seems to have everything. Any unique gift ideas that show thoughtfulness?”

Experience: TLDR: Great Seafood restaurant not too far from campus. Go try some lobster!

Interhouse basketball just finished, and I would like to reflect on the season. Dabney showed up to a full 3 out of our 7 games and proudly lost all of them. Personally, I scored a whole one point for my team which is more than I ever could have imagined given basketball is my least favorite sport and I don’t actually know all the rules.

The 15th F**king Person to Submit an Anonymous Article about Squirrels This Term

PASADENA, CA — In a based and green-pilled display of social responsibility, the California Institute of Technology reported its first year of carbon neutrality since 1898, according to a press release issued by the CalTech Sustainability Council on Monday.

Caltech Faculty members have begun reevaluating the relevance of the Honor Code in their classrooms because they are losing faith in the ability of the student body to fulfill their responsibilities to the Honor Code. Students are worried about the state of the Honor Code because they think they are the only ones following it, believing faculty and administrative offices on campus are not held accountable for honor code violations. The number of reports of honor code violations has been elevated since the 2015-16 academic year, but during the year of online learning, reports of honor code violations further increased to 3 to 4 times the baseline case load. While the number of reports of honor code violations has fallen to the 2015-16 level, the stress placed on the Board of Control pushed it to the verge of failure. The BoC system implemented almost 100 years ago was not built to process this high case load, not built to withstand the ire of distrustful members of the Caltech community, and not built to protect a community, who, whether due to disinterest, fear, or overworkedness, is in some part negligent of the implications and applications of the Honor Code.

• Unleash Your Inner Prankster with Caltech’s Official Prank Club!

There has been a lot of buzz about the vague spectre of “admin” banning undergraduate house events, both during and outside Rotation this year. In continuing this discussion between tradition and inclusivity, the Tech interviewed Dr. Kevin Gilmartin, Vice President for Student Affairs, to get his perspective on the matter. Our conversation focused on two specific issues: Blacker Hovse’s Potato Cannon, and Ricketts Hovse’s Rotation Dinner Skits.