Last week, the chilly air of Knoxville erupted with three successive shots, followed by a screech of tires as the shooter fled the crime scene.

The drive-by, which took place at 2 a.m., was surprising not because drive-bys are uncommon in Knoxville, but largely because of the uncommon nature of the crime. The victim of the shooting turned out to be none other than a traffic camera, which, prior to the shooting, peacefully hung above the road. The shooter, who was apprehended shortly after the crime, refused to give his motives for the aggression toward the innocent piece of technology. Alas, here are some of the possible motives for the man’s outburst.

Hot, Steaming Love/ Jealous Intrigue< The man fell in love with the traffic camera. He serenaded it/her (from now on the camera will be referred to as Giselle)every night and believed that he was in love. He sung of her beautiful one eye and started listening to “I Want It That Way” by Backstreet Boys (on reloop).

He soon noticed, however, that Giselle started to wink at passing cars. As jealousy filled up his heart, bubbling with love and passion, he warned her against showing affection toward others, only to find that she continued the flirting. Finally, unable to bear to see the one camera (replace with “woman” for a better flow) that he loves with other men, in an ultimate act of desperation and rage, the man shot her dead.

Hatred of Big Brother/ Paranoia/ Schizophrenia A diehard libertarian, the man saw the presence of the government everywhere, diligently watching his every move, hiding behind the bushes and going to the bathroom at the same time. Seeing the ever-watchful eye of the traffic camera as an ultimate imposition of the government on his rights, the man truly wished he had a bazooka so that he could end this once and for all. However, since the laws do not allow for personal use of bazookas, or even AK-47s, he sufficed with unloading a hunting rifle into the camera.

Sheer Fun/ Enjoyment of Destruction and Anarchy

After hours of careful selection, the man loaded his truck with explosives, baseball bats, a sledgehammer, two types of an ax, and a pocket nuclear bomb, turned up “The Roof Is On Fire” by Bloodhound Gang, and firmly decided to come home either having destroyed most of the human kind, or not come back at all. Pulling up to the intersection, the man decided to start his spree with a little warm-up. Saving the nuke and the dynamite for later, he took out a hunting rifle and aimed at a chicken that was randomly crossing the road. Suddenly remembering that he was a vegetarian and realized that shooting the clacking, bocking animal would be against his principles. Having the rifle already out, the man did not want to waste the shots, so he targetted the next fun thing to a chicken – the traffic camera.

Speeding away toward the local saloon to charge himself for a night of fun and explosions, the man was nevertheless caught by police, who confiscated the weapons and continued the man’s spree themselves.

If convicted, the man will pay a $50 fine and will face the loss of his rifle.

Though it is not clear which of the motives is correct, it is clear that the man did not shoot the camera to avoid a traffic ticket. The man was not one of almost 7,000 drivers photographed by Giselle breaking laws at that intersection.