Interview with a Bike Thief

Joe: Thank you for joining us today, Doris. Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

Doris: Of course. I’m an 87-year-old grandma from a couple of blocks north of here.

Joe: A Pasadena local! And you recently made headlines for stealing a bike from Caltech’s Lloyd courtyard. Can you walk us through that?

Doris: Well, Joe, it wasn’t much of a challenge, to be honest. The gate was slower than a turtle in molasses, and the fence was lower than my grandson’s IQ. And don’t even get me started on that lock. My shaky hands could pick it in a second!

Joe: It sounds like Caltech could use some better security measures.

Doris: Oh, I wouldn’t say that. The administrators are doing a fine job. After all, they have the code of honor. It’s up to the students to be responsible for their property.

Joe: So, you don’t feel bad about taking someone else’s property?

Doris: Well, I suppose it’s not right to take things that don’t belong to you. But for gosh sakes, those students probably don’t even need those bikes. The campus is so small, they could practically hop from one end to the other.

Joe: What advice would you give to the students to keep their bikes safe?

Doris: Get a better lock, for starters. And maybe keep the bikes in a more secure location. But let’s be real, Joe. I could have stolen those bikes blindfolded. It’s up to the students to be smart about their property.

Joe: And what are your plans for the bike now?

Doris: Well, I’ll be giving it to my grandson. He’s been having a rough time walking the two miles to school. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure he knows how to keep it locked up tight!

Joe: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us, Doris. Do you have any final words for our readers?

Doris: Of course, dearie. I just want to say that despite my little adventure at Caltech, I have the utmost respect for the students there. They are some of the brightest young minds in the world, and I have no doubt they will continue to achieve great things. My grandson is in middle school right now, but I hope he can be a part of that community one day.